At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
