He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
