I cockslap morals
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
