It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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