My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
