sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
