im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
