Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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