Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
