He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
