Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I deserve this hangover.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize