Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
