I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We talked him into tasing himself.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
