no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize