Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
