thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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