Is it normal to miss your booty call?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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