I think i sorta joined a cult last night
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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