people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
