I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
