so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
