yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize