he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This is my gift to your gina
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
