Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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