I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
