i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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