dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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