I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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