I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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