Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
