The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
And then he peed in my hair
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