Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So vagazzling was a success
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
