Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
