youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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