i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
