How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize