I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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