So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
