remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
