i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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