From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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