Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
