I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
