That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she pinky promised me she was 18
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
