I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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