If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
