it wasn't lemon gatorade
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
