Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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