Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize