i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
