just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
one might say we're banned from that church
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
