Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize