why didn't you poke me back
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
