Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Text me some of your sweat
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