my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize