So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize