I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize