i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
