I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Alive.
So much puke
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
