At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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