my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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