I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize