I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
