Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
