Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
