see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
