I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
