I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize