What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
