A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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