I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
