I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
