i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
