I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You ate ashes out of my bong
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
