its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
