hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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