He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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