this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
