I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
