fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
