u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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