Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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