If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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