I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
