Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
