Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
