I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
